Wow -I cant believe it has been over a year since I have written! Life got busy and even harder after my last entry. Then it got slower and easier and filled with blessings and Gods grace. Then we found out we were having another baby (#5!) and things got hard again with me being sick 24/7 for 5+ months. Now life is about to settle into another season with school starting back up and the new baby arriving in about a month.
One thing I know for sure and can state with complete confidence...
God is always faithful.
After walking through an incredibly hard season in my life and now having the benefit of hindsight, it is clear to see that HE never faltered or failed. The only time He felt far away was when I was far from Him.
Seasons come and seasons change. Life is full of "seasons" -some good some bad; some easy some hard. Always, through every one, follow Him. He will never fail you.
Be back soon... ("soon" being relative!)
Friday, August 5, 2011
Friday, May 14, 2010
He is enough.
It has been a very busy few weeks (month) around our house and it has not allowed me much time for writing. My silence is certainly not for a lack of learning by any stretch! In fact, the truth is quite the opposite. (I am still waiting to find a nice digital voice recorder that I can bring into the shower with me -the only place I seem to have time to organize out my thoughts lately!)
My husband and I continue to walk through a very difficult season and my children continue to, well, be children. There has not been a moment for me to just "be" and I confess that at times, I have been frustrated at that. Part of me longs to just sit and do nothing for a whole day. No cooking, cleaning, teaching, disciplining, respecting, obeying, ,correcting, changing... But when I really think about how that would be, I find one word comes to mind: unfulfilled. Yes, I would probably enjoy it for a few hours -maybe even most of the day. When the sun sets, however, and I looked back on that day, I know that it would feel very empty without the "busyness" of my life.
Another thing I amlearning continuing to learn in this season is that God. Is. Enough. Just when I dont think I can take any more and I am ready to stand on a mountaintop and scream to the world all my problems, He covers me in grace and strengthens my resolve to go on.
I confess that I dont understand a lot of what we are walking through right now. There are so many questions I have and I know that others would have the answer. Why cant I just ask them? Why cant I be counseled by someone? Why wont You let me confide in someone what we are going through? Every time I have approached someone about counseling me through this, God places a clear "no" in my path and reminds me that He is enough.
So, I continue to walk with Him alone.
And He IS enough.
♥
My husband and I continue to walk through a very difficult season and my children continue to, well, be children. There has not been a moment for me to just "be" and I confess that at times, I have been frustrated at that. Part of me longs to just sit and do nothing for a whole day. No cooking, cleaning, teaching, disciplining, respecting, obeying, ,correcting, changing... But when I really think about how that would be, I find one word comes to mind: unfulfilled. Yes, I would probably enjoy it for a few hours -maybe even most of the day. When the sun sets, however, and I looked back on that day, I know that it would feel very empty without the "busyness" of my life.
Another thing I am
I confess that I dont understand a lot of what we are walking through right now. There are so many questions I have and I know that others would have the answer. Why cant I just ask them? Why cant I be counseled by someone? Why wont You let me confide in someone what we are going through? Every time I have approached someone about counseling me through this, God places a clear "no" in my path and reminds me that He is enough.
So, I continue to walk with Him alone.
And He IS enough.
♥
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Reflections on Acts 20:36-38 -Guest Post
Following is a guest post by Arnie Gentile from http://www.mychristianapologetics.com/
“When he had said this, he knelt down with all of them and prayed. They all wept as they embraced him and kissed him. What grieved them most was his statement that they would never see his face again. Then they accompanied him to the ship" (Acts 20:36-38 NIV).
He had done it again. The great Apostle had just delivered another one of his spontaneous, divinely inspired exhortations to the leaders of the Ephesian church. This in itself was nothing new. It is simply what Paul did, and this one, like all the others, was another home run. Yet there was something different about this moment that made it about much more than just a rhetorical reflection on Paul’s legacy among the elders of this great church and his charge to them to uphold the truth. This was about much more than right theology, authentic ministry, confronting error, and faithfulness to the gospel. This was about community…this was about friendship…this was about loss.
In the middle of Paul’s sermon, recorded in Acts 20:18-35, he states, “Now I know that none of you among whom I have gone about preaching the kingdom will ever see me again" (vs. 25). Somehow, I doubt that the Ephesian elders really heard much after Paul said that. Certainly what the great Apostle had to say was critical to the future of their church…but somehow…in this moment…time suddenly stopped for these men.
I wonder what was really passing through their minds as Paul continued his speech after that statement. There was much to reflect upon. After all, Paul had spent three years among them teaching, preaching, training, and encouraging these leaders, longer than any other church he had visited or planted. Did their thoughts drift to the wonders and miracles he had worked among them, the great words he had spoken when he preached at their services, the challenges from the local community that he had so courageously confronted, and the profound Apostolic power that had poured from his Spirit-purified heart? Perhaps…but I think not.
I think, more likely, memories of meals shared in their homes began to enter their minds…memories of the great Apostle, this wonderful warrior of the Word, playing with their children in the back yard, and laughing together over a good joke and a cup of wine. For when Paul had concluded his words, no one asked for Q & A time regarding the content of Paul’s speech. Instead, “They all wept as they embraced him and kissed him.” This was not a moment for professional protocol, for, in this moment, the Ephesian elders remembered that above all, they had been Paul’s Ephesian friends, and now was the time to celebrate that friendship by grieving his final departure and saying good-bye.
I also wonder about Luke. He too had spent much time with these men as Paul’s traveling companion. How consistent with the character of this compassionate physician, brilliant historian, and sensitive scribe to have captured the real essence of this moment. He was there as well, and he had feelings too. Yet he stayed focused long enough to record the important words of God’s great servant, even though I am sure that his heart was also breaking. These were his friends too, and it would be difficult for him to tear himself away from them (Acts 21:1).
But there was a job to do. So he held on long enough to record Paul’s words. And when he had finished his always-accurate account, I believe that he put the papyrus safely in his backpack for a later day. There would be time to analyze Paul’s words. There would be time to discuss his sermon’s important theological and practical implications…but not now. His job complete, I suspect that Luke set his backpack aside, and joined his grieving friends.
And in this moment, the great Apostle, the gifted historian, and the good Ephesian elders were all reminded about what really matters. In this moment, they recognized the goal of their mission and realized the fruit of their labor. For they understood anew that, in the end, it is not in the works, or the wonders, or the words…but in the weeping that we are changed forever.
Blessings,
Arnie Gentile
http://www.mychristianapologetics.com/
Reflections on Acts 20:36-38
“When he had said this, he knelt down with all of them and prayed. They all wept as they embraced him and kissed him. What grieved them most was his statement that they would never see his face again. Then they accompanied him to the ship" (Acts 20:36-38 NIV).
He had done it again. The great Apostle had just delivered another one of his spontaneous, divinely inspired exhortations to the leaders of the Ephesian church. This in itself was nothing new. It is simply what Paul did, and this one, like all the others, was another home run. Yet there was something different about this moment that made it about much more than just a rhetorical reflection on Paul’s legacy among the elders of this great church and his charge to them to uphold the truth. This was about much more than right theology, authentic ministry, confronting error, and faithfulness to the gospel. This was about community…this was about friendship…this was about loss.
In the middle of Paul’s sermon, recorded in Acts 20:18-35, he states, “Now I know that none of you among whom I have gone about preaching the kingdom will ever see me again" (vs. 25). Somehow, I doubt that the Ephesian elders really heard much after Paul said that. Certainly what the great Apostle had to say was critical to the future of their church…but somehow…in this moment…time suddenly stopped for these men.
I wonder what was really passing through their minds as Paul continued his speech after that statement. There was much to reflect upon. After all, Paul had spent three years among them teaching, preaching, training, and encouraging these leaders, longer than any other church he had visited or planted. Did their thoughts drift to the wonders and miracles he had worked among them, the great words he had spoken when he preached at their services, the challenges from the local community that he had so courageously confronted, and the profound Apostolic power that had poured from his Spirit-purified heart? Perhaps…but I think not.
I think, more likely, memories of meals shared in their homes began to enter their minds…memories of the great Apostle, this wonderful warrior of the Word, playing with their children in the back yard, and laughing together over a good joke and a cup of wine. For when Paul had concluded his words, no one asked for Q & A time regarding the content of Paul’s speech. Instead, “They all wept as they embraced him and kissed him.” This was not a moment for professional protocol, for, in this moment, the Ephesian elders remembered that above all, they had been Paul’s Ephesian friends, and now was the time to celebrate that friendship by grieving his final departure and saying good-bye.
I also wonder about Luke. He too had spent much time with these men as Paul’s traveling companion. How consistent with the character of this compassionate physician, brilliant historian, and sensitive scribe to have captured the real essence of this moment. He was there as well, and he had feelings too. Yet he stayed focused long enough to record the important words of God’s great servant, even though I am sure that his heart was also breaking. These were his friends too, and it would be difficult for him to tear himself away from them (Acts 21:1).
But there was a job to do. So he held on long enough to record Paul’s words. And when he had finished his always-accurate account, I believe that he put the papyrus safely in his backpack for a later day. There would be time to analyze Paul’s words. There would be time to discuss his sermon’s important theological and practical implications…but not now. His job complete, I suspect that Luke set his backpack aside, and joined his grieving friends.
And in this moment, the great Apostle, the gifted historian, and the good Ephesian elders were all reminded about what really matters. In this moment, they recognized the goal of their mission and realized the fruit of their labor. For they understood anew that, in the end, it is not in the works, or the wonders, or the words…but in the weeping that we are changed forever.
Blessings,
Arnie Gentile
http://www.mychristianapologetics.com/
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Being a Humble Servant
The alarm was set with a few minutes to spare in case things didnt go as planned. What I didnt plan on was having to get everyone ready all.by.myself.
Thankfully I had gotten all our bags and things we needed to bring ready the night before. It was just the people (all 6 of us) that needed to be up, dressed and out the door at 6:15am. We ended up about 15 minutes late and I was frustrated but not too upset -it happens and I did my best to be on time all things considered.
Then it happens. On the drive, I mentioned that hopefully light traffic so early in the morning will help and we wont be too late. His response was, "Its not my fault we are late." It wasnt even as much what he did say as it was what he didnt.
I recoiled, turned and looked out the window while I stewed.
If it wasnt his fault then whose was it? Mine!?
Was I the one that kept sleeping past the alarm? No.
Did I wait until 10 minutes before we needed to leave to get up? No.
Was he the one that had stayed up late the night before to get as much ready as possible? No.
So if it wasnt my his fault and it certainly wasnt my fault, whose was it??
Then something happened. My eyes could see for a moment what my heart knew...
My husband is up early every day and works hard from 8 to 4 (usually later) and then works around our house most nights. His job is demanding and stressful. He provides for our family and protects us. He is good at all the jobs God has called him to fill. So why did I expect him to get up earlier just to help me do mine?
Selfishness and probably even a little pride.
See, I never told him I wanted, needed or planned on his help. He had watched me making lists and planning out all that needed to be done that morning and not once did I say, "would you do...". So how can I be upset with him for not helping? Not stepping in to what I so carefully planned. He is no mind reader any more than I am.
"Sitting down, He called the twelve and said to them, "If anyone wants to be first, he shall be last of all and servant of all." Mark 9:35
We are all called to be servants. Well, if we want Gods best we will be anyway. Jesus was the greatest example of this. "For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many." Mark 10:45 He did deserve to be waited on, served, and yet he would not even allow it when the tried to serve him. (John 13:5+) He was the King of Kings and yet the Servant of servants.
Then comes the pride part.
"for everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but he who humbles himself will be exalted." Luke 18:14
Being a servant and doing it all with no help -not expecting help- is humbling. Even harder? Being a humble servant with a godly heart. To be joyful in serving and putting all others and their needs ahead of our own.
"do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus" Philippians 2:4
Sometimes our words and our actions are right -we are servants and we appear humble- and yet our hearts are way off. We are not cheerful or joyful but playing the martyr. "Look at how hard I have it." or "Look at me and all that I sacrifice for my family."
I dont want to do it all so that I will be praised for what I do. I want to do what I am called to do so that others can see Christ in me. And I want everything I do to be completed with excellence as if for God Himself and not man/woman/child. In reality that is the case anyway.
"Whoever speaks, is to do so as one who is speaking the utterances of God ; whoever serves is to do so as one who is serving by the strength which God supplies ; so that in all things God may be glorified through Jesus Christ, to whom belongs the glory and dominion forever and ever. Amen." 1 Peter 4:11
♥
Thankfully I had gotten all our bags and things we needed to bring ready the night before. It was just the people (all 6 of us) that needed to be up, dressed and out the door at 6:15am. We ended up about 15 minutes late and I was frustrated but not too upset -it happens and I did my best to be on time all things considered.
Then it happens. On the drive, I mentioned that hopefully light traffic so early in the morning will help and we wont be too late. His response was, "Its not my fault we are late." It wasnt even as much what he did say as it was what he didnt.
I recoiled, turned and looked out the window while I stewed.
If it wasnt his fault then whose was it? Mine!?
Was I the one that kept sleeping past the alarm? No.
Did I wait until 10 minutes before we needed to leave to get up? No.
Was he the one that had stayed up late the night before to get as much ready as possible? No.
So if it wasnt my his fault and it certainly wasnt my fault, whose was it??
Then something happened. My eyes could see for a moment what my heart knew...
My husband is up early every day and works hard from 8 to 4 (usually later) and then works around our house most nights. His job is demanding and stressful. He provides for our family and protects us. He is good at all the jobs God has called him to fill. So why did I expect him to get up earlier just to help me do mine?
Selfishness and probably even a little pride.
See, I never told him I wanted, needed or planned on his help. He had watched me making lists and planning out all that needed to be done that morning and not once did I say, "would you do...". So how can I be upset with him for not helping? Not stepping in to what I so carefully planned. He is no mind reader any more than I am.
"Sitting down, He called the twelve and said to them, "If anyone wants to be first, he shall be last of all and servant of all." Mark 9:35
We are all called to be servants. Well, if we want Gods best we will be anyway. Jesus was the greatest example of this. "For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many." Mark 10:45 He did deserve to be waited on, served, and yet he would not even allow it when the tried to serve him. (John 13:5+) He was the King of Kings and yet the Servant of servants.
Then comes the pride part.
"for everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but he who humbles himself will be exalted." Luke 18:14
Being a servant and doing it all with no help -not expecting help- is humbling. Even harder? Being a humble servant with a godly heart. To be joyful in serving and putting all others and their needs ahead of our own.
"do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus" Philippians 2:4
Sometimes our words and our actions are right -we are servants and we appear humble- and yet our hearts are way off. We are not cheerful or joyful but playing the martyr. "Look at how hard I have it." or "Look at me and all that I sacrifice for my family."
I dont want to do it all so that I will be praised for what I do. I want to do what I am called to do so that others can see Christ in me. And I want everything I do to be completed with excellence as if for God Himself and not man/woman/child. In reality that is the case anyway.
"Whoever speaks, is to do so as one who is speaking the utterances of God ; whoever serves is to do so as one who is serving by the strength which God supplies ; so that in all things God may be glorified through Jesus Christ, to whom belongs the glory and dominion forever and ever. Amen." 1 Peter 4:11
♥
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Currently
I am currently walking through a season in my life where I am being refined, tested and tried in so many different areas. As it all started, I really didnt think it would be a long season -whoa! was I wrong!
This journey in discovering Gods created purpose for women -for me- I am realizing more and more how every aspect of our lives is affected by this relationship with Him. Even more importantly is that I am realizing more and more that He cares intimately about every aspect of my life and it is that intimacy that brings my relationship with Him to a whole new level.
Currently I am:
Learning how to mother a pre-teen.
Growing as a mother of 4 (vs 3 -it really is different!).
Practicing the hard "art" of submission to my Husband and Gods Word.
Being convicted about time management but not sure how to move forward.
Learning how to deal with anger in a Godly way.
Trying to finish a school year for the pre-teen.
Incredibly burdened for the lost in my life.
Nursing a broken heart for a friend who is suffering greatly.
There are so many "little" areas in my life where God is working. Some of them are big in and of themselves but mostly it is just the overwhelming picture of all of it at once that gets to me some days. I am also learning that -just as I tell my kids- we need to take it step-by-step and moment-by-moment. Focus on one thing at a time and do that one thing with excellence. Then move on to the next thing and do that one thing with excellence. Gods grace will cover all the rest.
♥
This journey in discovering Gods created purpose for women -for me- I am realizing more and more how every aspect of our lives is affected by this relationship with Him. Even more importantly is that I am realizing more and more that He cares intimately about every aspect of my life and it is that intimacy that brings my relationship with Him to a whole new level.
Currently I am:
Learning how to mother a pre-teen.
Growing as a mother of 4 (vs 3 -it really is different!).
Practicing the hard "art" of submission to my Husband and Gods Word.
Being convicted about time management but not sure how to move forward.
Learning how to deal with anger in a Godly way.
Trying to finish a school year for the pre-teen.
Incredibly burdened for the lost in my life.
Nursing a broken heart for a friend who is suffering greatly.
There are so many "little" areas in my life where God is working. Some of them are big in and of themselves but mostly it is just the overwhelming picture of all of it at once that gets to me some days. I am also learning that -just as I tell my kids- we need to take it step-by-step and moment-by-moment. Focus on one thing at a time and do that one thing with excellence. Then move on to the next thing and do that one thing with excellence. Gods grace will cover all the rest.
♥
Monday, April 19, 2010
Looking back
It is easy to get discouraged in life.
So many mountains to conquer.
So many trials to endure.
So many things to learn and grow in.
Even in the midst of joyful times, it can be overwhelming when we think that every moment we are to be learning and growing closer to and more like the Lord.
A new baby brings joy and challenge.
A new marriage brings joy and challenge.
A new friendship brings joy and challenge.
It is easy to feel like we are never going to get it. We are never going to change. We are never going to learn. And yet, we do.
I just spend a bit of time looking through a journal from several years ago. It started because I was looking for something -a small detail- and in order to find it, I had to wade through many entries from that season of my life. It was a good season -one full of life and joy.
As I read, I noticed two things...
1. Even in the midst of the good of that season, there was hard times and areas where I was struggling. It was a financially hard time as well as emotionally.
2. I really have changed! Good changes. Growth changes. Maturing changes.
Its true. Things I used to struggle with (attitudes, actions, emotions) have been replaced with new struggles. Some I have overcome, some I have simply avoided. Many that I still struggle with daily. Interestingly, there are also things I used to delight in that I dont nearly as much anymore. The key is remaining on that uphill incline -always moving onward and upward.
Being able to look back and see where I was compared to where I am now is a blessing and a source of encouragement to me today.
♥
So many mountains to conquer.
So many trials to endure.
So many things to learn and grow in.
Even in the midst of joyful times, it can be overwhelming when we think that every moment we are to be learning and growing closer to and more like the Lord.
A new baby brings joy and challenge.
A new marriage brings joy and challenge.
A new friendship brings joy and challenge.
It is easy to feel like we are never going to get it. We are never going to change. We are never going to learn. And yet, we do.
I just spend a bit of time looking through a journal from several years ago. It started because I was looking for something -a small detail- and in order to find it, I had to wade through many entries from that season of my life. It was a good season -one full of life and joy.
As I read, I noticed two things...
1. Even in the midst of the good of that season, there was hard times and areas where I was struggling. It was a financially hard time as well as emotionally.
2. I really have changed! Good changes. Growth changes. Maturing changes.
Its true. Things I used to struggle with (attitudes, actions, emotions) have been replaced with new struggles. Some I have overcome, some I have simply avoided. Many that I still struggle with daily. Interestingly, there are also things I used to delight in that I dont nearly as much anymore. The key is remaining on that uphill incline -always moving onward and upward.
Being able to look back and see where I was compared to where I am now is a blessing and a source of encouragement to me today.
♥
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Ebb and Flow
Have you ever noticed that the normal, everyday events of life can easily lead to a complacency or even a "laziness" about our relationship with the Lord?
Yeah, that is one of the reasons we encounter trials and tribulations as it strengthens and even increases our Faith. Remember this post in James?
I have recently noticed that it isn't just the hard times though. When I am rejoicing over events in my life, I do so loudly to the Lord. I praise Him and I thank Him. I talk with Him a lot in those times as well.
The "middle ground" is where I have noticed that I seem to almost neglect Him.
You know... The seasons when the kids aren't overly disobedient or super obedient; your husband is mostly loving and easier to respect; the bills are being paid and there is still enough money for some food -just not your favorites; schedules are manageable though maybe not as full (or empty) as you would really like. Things aren't spectacular but they aren't terrible either.
Those are the ones that I notice days can go by that I don't spend a great deal of time talking with Him. Yes, I still read, pray and have a quiet time but not the same as during the seasons of "hills" and "valleys" in my life. Not like the days when I feel I cant even breathe without His help. And not like the days when I am so joyful that I am bubbling over with gratitude to Him.
Maybe its me. Maybe I am just so extreme during the super-good and the super-bad that I use these in between seasons as a breather of sorts before the pendulum swings the other way.
Or maybe I need to even out my focus just a bit. Maybe just enough to remember that He cares about the "middle ground" in my life as well.
After all, He makes the sun rise for me every morning and the moon to take its place at night. And He does it every day -not just the good ones or the bad ones. He is intimately interested in every moment of my life -and yours.
♥
Yeah, that is one of the reasons we encounter trials and tribulations as it strengthens and even increases our Faith. Remember this post in James?
I have recently noticed that it isn't just the hard times though. When I am rejoicing over events in my life, I do so loudly to the Lord. I praise Him and I thank Him. I talk with Him a lot in those times as well.
The "middle ground" is where I have noticed that I seem to almost neglect Him.
You know... The seasons when the kids aren't overly disobedient or super obedient; your husband is mostly loving and easier to respect; the bills are being paid and there is still enough money for some food -just not your favorites; schedules are manageable though maybe not as full (or empty) as you would really like. Things aren't spectacular but they aren't terrible either.
Those are the ones that I notice days can go by that I don't spend a great deal of time talking with Him. Yes, I still read, pray and have a quiet time but not the same as during the seasons of "hills" and "valleys" in my life. Not like the days when I feel I cant even breathe without His help. And not like the days when I am so joyful that I am bubbling over with gratitude to Him.
Maybe its me. Maybe I am just so extreme during the super-good and the super-bad that I use these in between seasons as a breather of sorts before the pendulum swings the other way.
Or maybe I need to even out my focus just a bit. Maybe just enough to remember that He cares about the "middle ground" in my life as well.
After all, He makes the sun rise for me every morning and the moon to take its place at night. And He does it every day -not just the good ones or the bad ones. He is intimately interested in every moment of my life -and yours.
♥
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